ENM. To be or not to be...
Elton John's melancholic, "What do I have to do to make you love me," reverberated through the room, intertwining with the currents of my thoughts. It echoed the sentiments that I grappled with as a recent transplant to California, a place that differed vastly in attitudes from my native Texas.
Having spent nearly a decade away, I found myself still unaccustomed to the profound disparities that existed between the Golden State and the Lone Star State. And now, after ten years of abstaining from the dating world and all other interactions with men, I had ventured into the unknown territory of online dating. It seemed that living in Northern California, unlike my homeland, bestowed upon a woman in her fifties an abundance of options—an array of prospects I had not anticipated.
Some of these online platforms discarded the traditional profiles, reducing the initial encounter to a mere swiping game, where left or right determined the worthiness of a connection based solely on a photograph. Personally, I gravitated towards the sites that allowed individuals to share a glimpse of themselves through written words—albeit a restrained glimpse, avoiding the perilous depths of TMI (too much information). In this limited space, I found an opportunity to glean morsels of insight about potential suitors. Could they spell? What acronyms did they employ? It was an unfamiliar landscape since my last foray into online dating.
Let me introduce you to my newfound favorite acronym—ENM: Ethically Non-Monogamous. ENM serves as the emblem for a broad spectrum of unconventional relationship structures, where individuals embrace multiple romantic partners within an ethical framework. Curiosity piqued, I phoned my twenty-year-old son to inquire about this puzzling acronym, leaving him wondering about my sudden interest. With his recommendation, I turned to the omniscient oracle known as Dr. Google, eager to delve into its depths for more understanding.
According to the esteemed Urban Dictionary, ENM stands for Ethical Non-Monogamy. A style of relationship where non-monogamy, the state of being romantically or sexually involved or partnered with multiple people, is practiced in a ethical/moral fashion, in such a manner that every person involved in the relationship, sexual or romantic connections know they and those involved are with multiple people. Honesty, it seemed, served as the foundation upon which these intricate connections were built.
As someone raised in the confines of a deeply traditional and monogamous society, I found myself grappling with the newfound concept of multiple romantic relationships, conducted with the awareness and agreement of all parties involved. While I had partaken in simultaneous romantic escapades in the past, they had always been clandestine endeavors, shrouded in deception or omission. But now, I stood on the precipice of a brave new world, where honesty reigned supreme—a world I had never once contemplated until that very moment. More to come as I embark upon this journey of exploration.